Controlling ejaculation: tips and advice

8 Nov 2021

Premature ejaculation is the most frequent male sexual dysfunction. It can have a negative impact on your self-esteem and cause anxiety during sexual intercourse. However, there are many solutions that can be implemented ranging from regulating arousal to sex therapy and simple alternatives.

Use techniques to control ejaculation

Several techniques help you learn how to recognize sensations prior to ejaculation to delay ejaculation:

Stop-and-go: this is a masturbation technique to learn how to control arousal. You should stop masturbating just before ejaculation and focus on the sensations you feel. This will help you to learn how to recognise the reflexes prior to ejaculation to help you control them in the future.
Adopt slow abdominal breathing and slow down the rhythm during sexual intercourse.
Place pressure on the tip of the penis with your thumb and index finger for 2 to 3 seconds before the ejaculation reflex.
Adopt “passive” positions which help you last longer in bed. This is particularly the case of the cowgirl position where the man lies on his back facing his partner.
Make foreplay last longer as it helps to calm arousal on penetration.

Have frequent sexual relationships

The risk of premature ejaculation is increased when sexual intercourse is spread apart over time or with a new partner. It is completely normal that you are aroused quicker in both these cases. It consequently becomes harder to control ejaculation. Increasing the frequency of sexual relationships helps to reduce the risk of premature ejaculation.

I would like more information: Premature ejaculation, what you need to know

Do not strive to “perform” at all costs

Sexuality is everywhere today: films, tv series, media, conversations with friends, etc. This subject is so widespread that it has ended up being codified, creating the concept of sexual performance as the norm. In turn, the concept of sexual performance has been ranked above the search for pleasure.

During sexual intercourse, the pressure resulting from this quest for performance stimulates the secretion of adrenalin. This hormone, which is intrinsically linked to stress, may be the cause of mechanical dysfunction, with erection and ejaculation being the most affected. Adrenalin tends to speed up the ejaculation reflex. Performance anxiety is consequently one of the causes of premature ejaculation.

How to detach yourself from sexual performance anxiety to better control ejaculation?

To succeed in detaching yourself from sexual performance anxiety, it is important to let go – perfect sexual performance does not exist so it’s important not to be too harsh on yourself. You need to remember that 20 to 30% of men are affected by premature ejaculation.

Talking about it with your partner also helps you feel supported and reassured. You need to learn to refocus sexual intercourse on pleasure rather than performance. This work may be carried out with the help of a sex therapist.

Do not strive to “perform” at all costs

Sexuality is everywhere today: films, tv series, media, conversations with friends, etc. This subject is so widespread that it has ended up being codified, creating the concept of sexual performance as the norm. In turn, the concept of sexual performance has been ranked above the search for pleasure.

During sexual intercourse, the pressure resulting from this quest for performance stimulates the secretion of adrenalin. This hormone, which is intrinsically linked to stress, may be the cause of mechanical dysfunction, with erection and ejaculation being the most affected. Adrenalin tends to speed up the ejaculation reflex. Performance anxiety is consequently one of the causes of premature ejaculation.

How to detach yourself from sexual performance anxiety to better control ejaculation?

To succeed in detaching yourself from sexual performance anxiety, it is important to let go – perfect sexual performance does not exist so it’s important not to be too harsh on yourself. You need to remember that 20 to 30% of men are affected by premature ejaculation.

Talking about it with your partner also helps you feel supported and reassured. You need to learn to refocus sexual intercourse on pleasure rather than performance. This work may be carried out with the help of a sex therapist.

Apply a lubricant to better control ejaculation

Applying lubricant during intercourse helps to reduce friction during penetration. Reducing stimulation helps you better identify the onset of sensations prior to ejaculation and consequently control ejaculation.

To find out more: Premature ejaculation, a taboo subject?

Improve control of ejaculation by applying topical anaesthetics

The objective of topical anaesthetics is to reduce the sensitivity of the tip of the penis without impacting your pleasure during intercourse. Topical anaesthetics should be applied before sexual stimulation. Lidocaine and prilocaine are available in delay gel, cream or spray formats. You should apply creams and gels manually and wash your hands afterwards. Sprays are an alternative that help skip this step. This format is consequently more discrete to apply than creams or gels.

Discover the Kenergon delay spray

Use condoms or penis rings designed to improve ejaculation control

Some condoms are designed to prevent early ejaculation :

Some contain an anaesthetic as described above.
Others form a restriction on the tip of the penis which consequently prevents over-stimulation of this area.

Using traditional condoms also reduce penis stimulation. They can also help to better control ejaculation.

Some penis rings help to naturally numb the penis by restricting the blood flow at the base of the penis. However, the effectiveness of this not particularly restrictive treatment has not yet been studied.

Take a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI)

Some medication intervenes in the ejaculation mechanism. Available on prescription, dapoxetine, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) may be prescribed for premature ejaculation. You are advised to take one tablet about one to three hours before sexual intercourse. This treatment can be taken from time to time. It may have some contraindications and cause some side effects.

Do not hesitate to ask for advice from your doctor or consult a specialist.

Talk to a professional

Many practitioners specialise in caring for and treating sexual dysfunction. Premature ejaculation is a subject handled by sex therapists and other specialists.

There are two distinct approaches:

Some professionals focus their care on teaching behavioural methods. This involves exercises that help identify sensations prior to ejaculation to help you improve control.
Other professionals are interested in understanding the cause of the dysfunction (trauma, lack of self-esteem, etc.). This lengthier care also helps you regain your self-esteem and/or learn how to improve communication as a couple. This in-depth work helps you learn how to let go and better control ejaculation.

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